Talk to me one more time

00:09 Juh 0 Comments

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He came to her apartment wearing the yellow hoody. She almost shut the door on his face.

"You're kidding me..."

"Are you going to let me in or not?"

"I should make you sleep on the sidewalk!", but she moved and he walked in the apartment. "It's not even that cold, why are you wearing this?"

"It is cold enough for me." He took it off and set it on the arm of the couch. "So, is everything ready?"

"Yes, it's all packed."

"What about those clothes?" He pointed to a small pile of fabric on a box over the coffee table.


"Sansa sent them." She rolled her eyes at the clothes and nodded when he made a gesture towards the box, like asking permission to see. "They're just dresses."

He picked one from the box. It was cute, he supposed. White, with small flowers in the fabric. Sansa would look beautiful in it. Arya probably would look good too, but she would want set herself on fire if she had to use that.

"Why did she send you clothes?"

Arya picked a note from the coffee table and read it. "New country, new life. Maybe, also new clothes? Love, Sansa."

"She had good intention."

"Then why didn't she send clothes I could actually like? She's always expecting me to wear dresses and be girly and find a boyfriend and blah, blah, blah. I'm sick of it. And my mom wants the same! 'Arya, I'd like to introduce you to some random guy you'll probably hate, but you have to come anyway.' It's like they don't believe that I can't be happy without a man! It's like all they want for me is to get married and have kids and fuck what I want."

"And what do you want?"

"To prove that I'm not a scared girl who needs to be protected. I don't need to be protected! I'm not weak, I'm not gonna cry for every little thing. I'm a fighter, not a bloody lady!"

"I don't see why you have to choose between-" The look she shot him made him stop talking.

"They're obsessed with the idea of me being all gentle and delicate, it's ridiculous!"

"I'm sorry, but I know you for years and sometimes I'm not sure of why you do the things you do. I mean, It's like you will only do or say the opposite of what it's expected from a girl. Maybe they don't want you to marry because you're a woman and that's what is expected. Maybe they want you to find love. To find someone you can share your life with. And this is not a girl thing. It's a human thing."

"You're saying men want to get married?"

"I'm saying that going through life alone is not something people should wish for themselves. If they want you to have a boyfriend or a husband, maybe they just don't want you to be alone. Is this so bad?"

"I can have friends..."

"This is not the same thing. A marriage is for companionship, is for you to have someone to share your problems and your joys, someone who will be there! You can hate it all you want, but I honestly think this is a fantastic idea."

"Really? You want to get married?"

"Yes. Having someone that agreed to be with you for the ups and downs, that love you, that is so important to you that makes you want to spend your whole life with it. Free given affection, acceptance, advising, support, hugs, kisses, sex... Is this so bad?"

Arya considered his words. Except for the kisses and the sex, Gendry was describing their friendship. She frowned at the realization. He went on.

"If you don't want to marry, it's okay. If you don't want to wear dresses, make up, heels and this stuff, it's all okay. But it's okay to change too."

"What you mean?"

"I know you for a long time. And I worry that one day, you might lose good things because you might think they are girl-stuff, so you'll reject them. If one day, you wake up and decide to wear different clothes, why not? Or if you really like a guy, like to the point of wanting to have a relationship, why not? These things won't make you a different person, Arya. Wearing a dress and heels and make up don't make you less brave or capable. Having a boyfriend doesn't mean you need a man." He walked up close to her and held her face in his hands. "Wanting to have someone close doesn't make you weak. We're humans, we all want this, we all need someone we can rely on."

"Do you need someone?"

"My mother is dead and my father is an alcoholic." He raised his eyebrows.

Her head was a complete mess. The things he was saying made sense, but were his eyes the ones making her doubt of everything. Earlier, in the park, she wasn't sure of what was in them. She still wasn't, but all that talk about marriage and love and having someone lit Gendry's eyes with all the emotions she couldn't decypher. Or maybe she was too afraid to even try. She knew he wouldn't judge her if she decide to wear make up or change her hair or anything. He had seen her in ups and downs in her life, he knew everything about her. Sometimes, she had the impression that he knew her better than herself.

Then it hit her. And Catelyn's and Sansa's worries seemed unfounded. She didn't need to go find someone. She had someone. Gendry was hers and she was his and there was no point in denying that.

"You have me."

And his lips were on hers.

And the mess on her head and in her heart got worse. He shouldn't be doing that, her hands shouldn't be going up his arms, his hands shouldn't be burying themselves in her hair but they were and he was warm and strong and the kiss was everything she expected. Was she expecting a kiss from him? But they were friends and he was trying to find a girlfriend, someone who could end up being his wife. He wanted to marry. She didn't. And that made that wrong. But he was hers, no woman in the world could have him the way she had. And his tongue was touching hers and, God, How can this be wrong?

But it were since Arya wasn't sure of her feelings. She wasn't brave enough, not in that department and she couldn't risk losing Gendry's friendship. So she pushed him, walked back and whispered "No."

He looked at her face and covered his with his hands.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't... I thought you wanted, God, I'm so stupid!" He looked around like he was looking for a way out of a burning building, his hands running through his hair. "I- I'm sorry!"

He opened the door but she grabbed his arm, keeping him in place. Nothing felt more wrong than Gendry leaving like that.

"I, I just- ...Please."

He turned around and looked at her and his eyes were so intense that she closed hers, afraid of what he might see in them.

"No." He touched her face and she almost gasped. She was on the edge of the abyss and, for all that was sacred, she wanted to jump. "Look at me."

She opened her eyes. His face was close again and her breath was catching. Her nails sank in his arm when she squeezed it, but he didn't seem to feel it. She was afraid of his intensity. Arya wanted to run away, to kiss him again, to hide, to pull him closer, everything at once.

She opened her mouth, but he shook his head. He rested his forehead against hers and, with his eyes closed, took a deep breath to regain control of himself.

"Arya, if you feel something that can change us, I mean, this between us, you'll need to tell me." Her eyes widen. That was what she was afraid of. But he kept talking. "Not now. Think. Make up your mind."

"Can't you just guess? You're always good at guessing what I'm thinking."

He looked at her. "No. Not this time. This is too important. You need to tell me. I want you to tell me. When you come back."

"I won't be back before a year."

He smiled. "Then you'll have plenty of time to think. Good bye, Arya." He kissed her forehead and walked away, without looking back.

She closed the door, sure of nothing. Fucking Gendry. Why he had to talk about his feelings and how he wanted to get married? Why he had to kiss her? And, most important, why did he stop? No, that wasn't fair. She stopped the kiss. She wasn't sure, she thought he deserved better.

Arya saw his yellow hoody on the couch. She'd have to call him and tell him to come pick it on the next day. She didn't think much of what she was doing, she just grabbed the hoody and put it on. It almost reached her knees. She smiled and walked to her bedroom. Sansa could have her dresses back. Gendry had left to her the only different clothing she needed.